I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
