I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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