He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
