So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
