Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
