I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
