My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
