I've blown a few things in my day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
