ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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