I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
