well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
