Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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