i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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