did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
