dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
