i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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