watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
