sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
