and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
