the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
