I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
