no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
