you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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