were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
