so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
