I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is classic penis vs brain.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
