im drinking this country out of the recession.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
