think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
