Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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