i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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