Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
