i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
