Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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