FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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