and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
