garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
