I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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