haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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