I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
