shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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