Little spoons don't ask big questions
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
