Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
