So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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