no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
