Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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