i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
