i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
