dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
