i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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