Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
