Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
