Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
