Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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