And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
