wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who died my cat blue again?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
