I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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