So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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