nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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