we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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