My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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