How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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