I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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