No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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