So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
