do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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