I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
