She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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