I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
