I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
