My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
