I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
