and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
