It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
whose ass print is on the piano?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
