this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize