Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
